Other ways to slowly die inside
by Alien on Broadway
Summary: Some choices are hard. Others are surprisingly simple in the way that you have no power over them.


**Author: **Alien on Broadway

**Disclaimer: **I own a laptop, a pair of furry slippers, four DVD-boxes of M*A*S*H and one of Live Aid. Basically I'm pathetic.

**Summary: **Some choices are hard. Others are surprisingly simple in the way that you have no power over them.

**Other ways to slowly die inside **

She couldn't believe people could be so ignorant. How could they think that Rodney didn't care about anything they said about him. They didn't even try to hide their opinions. He had put himself on the line for them on so many different occasions that he deserved to be if not liked at least respected. They were in no way superior to him and had no right to act as though they were.

Just because their marriage had ended didn't mean she didn't care anymore. And it did not give the rest of Atlantis the right to speculate. They hadn't even come close to the truth.

She'd herself had never thought she would end up married to some astrophysicist/genius 101 named Rodney let alone not be married anymore.

She barged in to his office and demanded an answer: "Why the hell do you let them say these things. Just tell them that it the truth. It wasn't you that put an end to our marriage. You don't deserve to be treated this way"

With a sigh he turned around to find the source of his disturbance and answered: "If the moral police wishes to point all their fingers at me that's fine. You don't need this anymore then I do. I can deal with the vultures. I'm used to it"

"You shouldn't have to deal with it nor should you be used to it. You didn't want to be used to it anymore remember?"

Rodney turned away from her slightly only his profile visible in the light coming from the hallway. "That was a different time and under other circumstances and you know it. I'm back to my old hermit ways. Besides if they wish to treat me like this let them. Just goes to prove they were not my friends to begin with."

At that it was hard to keep the tears at bay. She so desperately wanted for that little hurt boy inside of him to feel that he was loved and that he was cherished and it was so hard to accept that that void in his heart would not be filled properly at all. She had tried, she had tried so hard. And she'd gotten through. But then everything went to hell in a handbasket in a flash and all of the efforts were wiped as if the changes were never there to begin with.

Their environment didn't know what they had gone through. All they knew was that all of the sudden the golden couple was sleeping in separate beds again and that Rodney had averted to his old ways again. All of their friends sided with her when there wasn't even a side to be on to begin with.

It only made them remind their selves more of what they could lose and could never have. Even though they both wanted it to work they couldn't find it in themselves to work on their obvious relationship problems and wanted to fix the hurt for themselves. When it became transparent to everyone else that they weren't as close as they used to be rumors were spread which led to an awkward and cold discussion ending in the solution that they might just had to take a break for a while.

She took advantage of her knowledge of Rodney. She knew he was afraid to lose her, she knew but she couldn't deal with the situation. She thought that if only it would be a voluntary choice that it would hurt less. So she did the one thing that she could to make him resent her. She pushed him away in a selfish effort so that she wouldn't have to deal with the fear of losing him. She had pushed him away in such a way that he wouldn't fight back. The worst part was that he believed her but still loved her. He ached with her and for her, he was suffering in silence and enduring far more then she was.

"Damn it Rodney this is mess." At that she couldn't keep her resolve anymore and the tears came.

"Sssh, it's allright, it's all going to be fine": Rodney whispered as he held her. When she showed no signs of calming down he exerted pressure on her shoulders to get her on the couch. He'd practically been living here in his office for the last couple of months. It was hard to be sitting in the mess hall with all the not so subtle whispers and pointed fingers his way. Rubbing her shoulders he was starting to get mad. He had wanted to prevent this from happening. By agreeing to a period away from each other he thought that she would get the chance to deal with the fallout for herself. She wouldn't have to worry about him and could focus all her energy on dealing with her illness.

"I only pushed you away because I thought that if it was a voluntary choice it would hurt less. I honestly believed it would save both of us the pain of having the other taken away." She said sniffling into his arm.

"By making it your decision! This isn't fair on either of us. We should be getting sucked the live out of us by Wraith but something like cancer shouldn't happen here. But you shouldn't have pushed me away. It didn't make things easier, it made it harder on all of us". He was pacing around the room at this point. "I hate having to sneak into your room to hold your hand when you were sleeping. I can't even go in the infirmary cause Carson hates me. I should not be pushed to the sidelines, I should be right beside you every step of the way in fighting this thing.

Now she was crying again. All of the pain and insecurity came out. What if she couldn't survive this? They were so happy, before she was diagnosed they were even discussing a future with the white picket fence and the 2.2 kids. Now she realized, no matter what happened she needed him to know the truth. Laura looked him straight in the eye. "I didn't mean the things that I said. I love you and I have never stopped loving you. Asking you to leave me alone was my way of coping. I'm sorry".

Rodney kneeled at her feet and put his hands on her knees. "We are going to do this together. We are going to beat this disease and survive. We'll come out of this stronger and when we are ready we are going to have our future. He put his hands on her cheeks and wiped away her tears. She lifted her head up to face him. "But above all we are going to do this together okay?"

He was her rock, he was the strong one. Her redemption. Why she'd even for a moment thought she could do this by herself was beyond her. So with a smile through her tears she said: "Okay. Together."

Now it was Rodney who smiled through the tears.

Fin


End file.
